


Love Thy Enemy

by Kim Gasper (mickeym)



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: First Kiss, First Time, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1996-12-17
Updated: 1996-12-17
Packaged: 2017-10-08 15:34:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/77124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mickeym/pseuds/Kim%20Gasper
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's a very fine line, between love and hate.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Love Thy Enemy

 

Tom Paris looked up from the pool table in surprise when he heard the holodeck doors hiss open. It was very late into third shift, and most people who weren't on duty were long in bed. Even more surprising was the person striding in through them. "Commander? Kind of late for you, isn't it?"

Chakotay looked at him for a moment, a glimmer of--something--lurking in the depths of his eyes. "Rack the balls, Paris," he said tersely. "I'm in the mood to shoot some pool."

Paris nodded and began racking up the balls. "Something bothering you, Commander? You're not usually up for late-night pool games."

Chakotay fairly growled at him, "Just get the damn things racked, would you?" Paris could fairly feel the tension coming from the man. Whatever it was, it was just barely under wraps. He planned on bringing it out in the open.

He flashed his trademark grin. "Ready when you are, Commander."

"Delete the holocharacters. I can't concentrate with them breathing down my neck."

"Computer, delete patrons." The patrons of Sandrines disappeared, leaving Paris and the Commander alone to their game. Chakotay broke, and began the game.

 

For the first few minutes there was only the sound of Chakotay calling out his shots, followed by the sounds of pool-balls falling into the table pockets. Paris studied his commanding officer carefully, trying to ascertain what the problem might be. Deciding on a neutral topic to open the conversation he asked Chakotay about the sensor readings from that afternoon: they'd been a little off, and Janeway had called an all-stop until the problem was located.

Tom drifted over by Chakotay to watch the shot, and he could feel the pilot's body heat behind him. He scratched his shot then, and stood upright. "Do you mind--? Dammit-I could've made that shot, if you hadn't been right on my neck." He totally ignored Tom's question about the sensors. "Paris, get away from me. Your shot." He moved back by the bar, feeling like he needed to get as far away as possible.

Paris turned offended eyes toward him. "I did take a shower today, you know. And I don't have any diseases--you won't catch anything standing by me." He leaned down over the table, preparing his shot. "What's your problem, anyway? Two ball in the corner pocket." He made his shot, aware of Chakotay pacing behind him. Tom turned, and was only mildly surprised to see the Commander hovering right behind him. Whatever the problem was, he'd know it soon. Chakotay was wound tighter than a warp coil; ready to spring at anytime. He turned back to the game, not acknowledging the Commander's presence. He wasn't prepared for Chakotay's next words, though.

"You. You're my problem." That soft voice, the I'm-barely-in-control-so-you'd-better-watch-it voice. Tom scratched his shot.

He looked at Chakotay incredulously. "*I'm* your problem? Excuse me, Chakotay, but I haven't even seen you since our duty shift ended; before that we barely had a dozen words together on the bridge today." He glared at the Commander now. "What's the matter, Chakotay? Things not going so smooth with the Captain?"

Chakotay turned an icy stare toward him. "What do you know about that?"

"Probably more than you're comfortable with," Tom replied flippantly. "I know the two of you are dating. Frankly, I never thought you'd have the balls to do it."

Chakotay clenched his fists. He wasn't going to lose control. Not over Paris. "I guess you're wrong then, Mr. Paris." He glanced over to see Paris watching him silently. Damn the man!

"No, I don't think I am. Problems with the relationship, Chakotay? Getting up the balls to ask her out is one thing; sleeping with her is--oof!" To his complete shock, Chakotay picked him up by the shoulders and shoved him up against the bar. He looked down at Paris who was cringing back slightly from him, and shook him. "This is all your fault, Paris! It's all...your...fault!" He punctuated each word with a shake and Paris felt his teeth rattle inside his head.

"What's my fault? What the hell'd I do? Chakotay...stop!" Without warning Tom found himself free-falling to the floor of Sandrines as Chakotay let go and let him fall. Tom picked himself up off the floor. "Damn, Commander! *What* is your problem? You come barging in here, saying you want to play pool; then you start acting like an ass--"

Chakotay cut him off. "Lieutenant. I--" He ran a hand down over his face, still not over the humiliation earlier in the evening.

Paris picked up on movement. Something had happened tonight between Chakotay and the Captain. "She threw you out?" Tom wisecracked, then regretted it immediately. Chakotay's face darkened.

"No, she didn't throw me out."

"She broke it off."

"No. Listen, this was obviously a mistake."

"Maybe your dating her is a mistake." Tom couldn't resist one more little comment. "Maybe you got your balls too late."

Chakotay's eyes grew cold, and Tom pulled back slightly. This might not have been the best idea. "The problem has nothing to do with the Captain, Paris. The problem is me. And it's your fault."

"Ex*cuse* me?"

"You heard me. Ever since you pulled that little stunt in the turbolift a few weeks ago--"

Tom hooted with delight. "Ooh! I get it! You can't get it up for the Captain!" He smirked at Chakotay. "Whatsa matter, Commander? Pining for me? Curious about what else you might be missing out on, after all?"

To his shock Chakotay ground out a strangled "Yes--No; I don't know!", then pulled Tom to him and covered Tom's mouth with his own. Their kiss was fierce, aggressive; almost violent. Chakotay forced Tom's mouth open, and raped it with his lips and tongue, compelling him to submit, to accept him. After his initial shock Tom returned the kiss eagerly, opening up for him and allowing him access to the sweetness hidden within his mouth. When Chakotay at last released him and pulled back he saw anger--and something more, desire?--reflected in his eyes. He knew his own eyes mirrored the desire--he was rock hard against the Commander. Chakotay stood there for a minute, chest heaving with the effort to breathe, feeling the emotions swirling through him, alive and potent. He tried to figure out what had happened. Had he come in here intending to do this? He looked at Paris, who still looked a little dazed, and his eyes narrowed when he took in the pilot's slightly bruised, swollen lips. Lips that he'd just...

With a jolt Chakotay realized what he'd just done, and he jerked further away from Tom. "Lieutenant...if you wish to file a report on sexual harassment...I'll--I mean..." He broke off, not knowing what to say; then turned and fled the room, leaving behind a very confused, very thoughtful, Tom Paris.

********** 

Back in his own quarters Chakotay paced back and forth restlessly. What had he been thinking? It went back to that day a few weeks back when Tom had baited him in the turbolift, then pinned him against the wall and kissed him. Immediately after that he'd decided to ask Kathryn Janeway on a date; if she said no, she said no. If she said yes...

And she did. Surprised and pleased he made plans for them that evening; and for several evenings after that. Things had been moving along smoothly--until last week. He'd realized one day that he was spending an inordinate amount of time watching Paris; admiring the shape of his back and shoulders, wondering if that blond hair was as soft as it looked... Then, to his utter shock and horror he'd awakened one morning with his hand on his straining erection, and Tom Paris's name on his lips as he came. Okay. Everyone dreams things like that once in a while, he rationalized. It wasn't so much the idea of dreaming about another man; it was dreaming about Tom Paris. He didn't hate the guy like he used to--Paris had proved himself too many times for that to continue--but he wasn't interested in him physically, and he certainly wasn't in love with the guy. Was he? Chakotay recoiled from his own thoughts. In love with Tom Paris? Where in the hell had *that* come from? No. Absolutely not. Not open to debate.

In an effort to forget all about this recent obsession, he stepped up the pace of his developing romance with Kathryn. That had backfired miserably; tonight, in the midst of a very passionate interlude, he'd not been able to perform; later, Kathryn told him that while he was dozing in bed with her he'd called out Paris' name.

"I think we need to stop and reconsider this relationship, Chakotay," she'd told him. "I don't think it's me you want."

"Kathryn," He'd begun, only to be interrupted.

"No, don't deny it. *I* know--you just have to be willing to admit it to yourself."

"I'm sorry," He'd whispered, hating himself; hating Tom Paris even more. "I honestly thought we could have something."

She smiled at him. "Once we probably could have. Someone snuck in when we weren't looking."

He grinned ruefully for just a minute, but was unwilling to pursue that topic any further. "I hope we can still be friends, Kathryn."

"What, you think this could ruin a good friendship? That's a pretty low opinion you have of me, Commander."

He'd smiled again, shaking his head, then headed back to his quarters. He'd checked with the computer for Paris' location on an impulse. And look at what had happened. He shook his head and sat down on his bed. Maybe some sleep. Things would be clearer in the morning.

 

After Chakotay stormed out of the holodeck Tom had discontinued the program and gone to his quarters. Where in the hell had that come from? Since when did the Commander *like* him, much less want him--sexually, romantically, whatever. Interesting though. That *he'd* been interfering in Chakotay's relationship with the Captain. Or rather, Chakotay's thoughts about him had. Gods knew he hadn't been doing anything. Although he'd had a few pangs of jealousy when he'd discovered they were dating... Perhaps he'd show Chakotay just how much he didn't know about Tom Paris--and how much he could like that Tom Paris.

He fell asleep with a smile on his face.

************* 

Morning, and breakfast in the mess. Tom sat with Harry and B'Elanna as usual; the talk at the table was familiar: ship gossip and discussion about breakfast, which was a neon pink color this morning. Tom tuned a lot of it out as he unobtrusively scanned the mess hall for Chakotay. He saw him coming in just as he was mopping up the last of--whatever--with his toast.

"Hey, I just remembered some reports I need to file before my shift starts. I'll catch you guys later." Tom was out of his seat before Harry or B'Elanna could say a word. He carried his tray up to the disposal units, managing to jostle the Commander slightly as he passed. As he slid his body past him, Tom gave Chakotay a rakish grin, then turned and left. Chakotay turned and stared after him for a moment, feeling Tom's body heat dissipating as quickly as it had been there. He sighed. So much for the center of calm he'd worked at achieving this morning.

 

The shift passed slowly. Tom could feel Chakotay's hot stare on his back all day, but anytime he turned around the Commander would be looking elsewhere. He couldn't wait to get off-duty, and start devising his plan to win over Chakotay--heart and all. It surprised him how much he cared about this; he'd never really considered Chakotay before, except as a very good-looking individual, someone he might enjoy passing some time with. Not to mention there was that small matter of Chakotay hating his guts...not that he thought he still did, but he knew he wasn't Chakotay's favorite person. Tom sighed mentally. Another hour to go...

Chakotay sat in his chair and watched the view screen, trying hard to ignore the blond head in the middle of it. He'd swear he could still feel Tom's body sliding across his from this morning. He watched the pilot's hands gliding across the conn console and imagined them gliding across--*what* was he thinking? He mentally shook himself, then got up from his chair, ostensibly to do a tour of the bridge; in reality it was to give his brain something to do other than to daydream. Almost of their own volition his feet began walking him over to the conn; he was almost directly behind Paris before he realized what he was doing and abruptly changed course, heading instead for the Ops station. Later he would realize that he stood at Harry's station for almost ten minutes without actually hearing a thing that Harry said to him. It was as if the two voices warring within him were cutting off all other communication from the outside world.

***************

Dinnertime. Chakotay was deep into studying the latest figures from engineering when a shadow fell over his Padd. He looked up to see Paris standing next to him, dinner tray in hand.

"May I?" Paris gestured to the seat across from him. Chakotay nodded stiffly, and Paris slid into the chair. "So, Commander, how's it going?"

Wondering what in the hell Paris was up to, but somewhat curious in spite of himself he answered cautiously, "Fine, Lieutenant. You?"

Tom smiled pleasantly. "I'm fine. Slow day on the bridge today, hmm?" He looked down at his dinner tray and lost some of his pleasant look. Chakotay smiled inwardly: he'd had the same reaction to the blue-green entree with it's purple sauce.

"Yes, it was." Chakotay turned his attention back to his figures then, deciding whatever game Paris was up to, he wasn't going to play.

Tom smiled slightly. "Care for a game of pool later, Commander?" He forked a mouthful of...whatever...in, and chewed. A small shudder ran through him as he swallowed, and Chakotay didn't even try this time to hide his smile as Tom hastily pushed the tray away. "What *is* this stuff?" He asked before he began gulping water.

"I don't have the slightest idea. I don't *want* to know." Chakotay considered Tom for a minute, remembering the pool game last night, and how it'd ended. Against his better judgement he said, "When did you want to play?" *And are you sure you just want to play pool?* No, no, get rid of those thoughts...

"Oh, say 1900 hours?"

"That sounds fine. I'll meet you at Sandrines."

"Oh, I'll stop by and get you, Commander." With that, Tom stood up, gathered up his tray and left before Chakotay could say another word.

 

Harry and B'Elanna had watched the exchange, then watched Tom hurry out of the messhall. They turned to each other; Harry slightly concerned, B'Elanna slightly amused. Harry spoke first.

"So? What do you think?"

"I think you're right, Starfleet. Paris is up to something."

Harry nodded. "He's been acting kind of weird for a couple of weeks, but all day today--starting with breakfast. Do you think he was even aware that we were at the table with him this morning?"

"Didn't look like it." B'Elanna picked up her coffee, and sipped it thoughtfully. "Why don't you talk to Tom, and I'll see what I can get from Chakotay. I *thought* he and the Captain were dating..."

"They were. Are. Whatever. I hadn't heard anything differently. You don't think--?"

"I don't know *what* to think, Harry. But it sure looks like Tom's interested and Chakotay's not sure what he wants--and I'll admit that *that* particular combination isn't one that would've occurred to me."

Harry smiled. "You're just jealous, B'Elanna."

She grinned at him. "Yeah, but of which one?" She stood up and gathered up her tray. "Good snooping, Starfleet. Catch you later."

"Same to you, Maquis."

*************** 

Harry remained for another few minutes, thoughtfully considering what he was about to do. Usually, he didn't have to ask Tom about who he was dating, or fantasizing about; Tom generally let him know whether he was interested or not. This one was different, somehow. Harry had known for some time that the private Tom Paris was different than the public Tom Paris; and that the private one rarely volunteered information about things that were important to him. Harry didn't like to pry; it wasn't in his nature. But having Tom as a friend had taught him that if he wanted to know anything about the *real* Tom Paris he had to, on occasion. And apparently, this was one of those. He sighed and stood up. Time to figure out what was going on.

 

The door chimed, and Tom called out "Enter," hoping it wasn't Chakotay coming to cancel their date. He hadn't called it that to his face because he didn't want to scare him off before he got a chance to show him he was serious. But that was what he was considering it. He'd decided not to go to Sandrines. Instead, he was going to run a program he'd never shared with anyone--a copy of the family room at his parents' home; the only room in that house besides his that he'd ever felt at ease in. Probably because his father seldom went in there. The pool table had sat unused until Tom had learned how play; Tom had asked his mother once why that was, and he'd been told that his father had the table because it'd been given to him by Tom's grandfather, but Tom's father considered pool a useless game. The doors slid open to reveal Harry standing in the doorway.

"Harry! Come on in. What's up?"

"Nothin' much. B'Elanna and I missed you today."

"I had breakfast with you guys." Tom gestured to the sofa, and Harry came all the way in, and moved to sit down.

"You were there physically...Mentally, I'm not so sure." Harry paused. It was always hard to know which tactic to use on Tom. Maybe straightforward would be the best. "Tom, what's going on?"

Tom gave him his best innocent look. "What do you mean, Harry?"

"Well...since when do you sit and eat dinner with Commander Chakotay?"

"Mmm. Not often. But--he and I have some things we need to discuss, so I thought I'd sit with him for a minute, and see if he was ready to talk."

"What...things?"

"Just some stuff going on."

Harry knew Tom was being evasive, and he wasn't about to let him get away with it. "C'mom, Tom. It's me, Harry, you're talking to. I know you better than anyone on this ship--except maybe yourself. Is there something going on between you and Chakotay?"

Tom looked at him in dismay. "You're getting good at this, you know?"

"Yeah, well, it comes with the territory. Now, give. What's up."

Tom sighed. "I guess I'm going to have to start at the beginning..." And he proceeded to tell Harry the whole story, beginning with the turbolift incident. By the time he was finished Harry's mouth was hanging open.

"I can't believe you're talking about the Commander!"

"Yeah, it's kind of surprising, isn't it? Believe me, I hadn't figured on this happening. I figured he and Janeway would...anyway. Hell, I practically pushed him into her arms with my comments. But now...I don't know, Harry. I'm getting another chance--I think--but, I'm not sure how to do this. I can flirt with the best of them, and short-term relationships aren't a problem, but in for the long haul? I haven't done that in a *long* time. Ricki was the last one, and you know how *that* turned out..."

"Well, if you're asking my advice..."

"I am."

"Take it slow. Show him you care about him. And for Gods sake, don't let your mouth run away from you! You have this tendency..."

"To speak without thinking. Yeah, yeah."

"I'm serious, Tom. If you want this, you're going to have to work for it." Harry smiled then. "Who'd ever thought--the infamous Tom Paris coming to innocent little Harry for advice?"

Tom snorted. "Innocent, my Aunt Fanny! It's just a good act that has a lot of people fooled."

"Kind of like yours, huh?"

Tom was silent a minute, then he grinned. "Yeah, I guess so. Boy, we're a pair, aren't we?" He got off the couch. "Now, if you'll excuse me, Ensign...I have a date, in about fifteen minutes."

Harry rolled his eyes. "Okay, okay. I know when I'm not wanted." He walked to the door, and started out, then paused and turned around. "Oh, and Tom? You're welcome."

Tom nodded at him. "Thanks, Harry."

 

B'Elanna caught up with Chakotay as he made his way to the turbolift. "Hey, Chakotay! Hold up."

He held the turbolift open for her, then said, "Deck four." B'Elanna eyed him. He looked...tense? Sort of.

"Want to shoot some pool at Sandrines tonight? We haven't seen you for awhile."

"Sorry, I can't. I have a prior engagement."

"Oh, that's right. I forgot, you and the Captain are dating--"

"No. I mean, no the engagement tonight isn't with her."

"Oh. Well, okay. Stop by when you're done?"

"I don't know how long I'll be. We'll see."

"What're you doing?"

"Actually, if you must know, Tom talked me into a game of pool with him; so I'll be at Sandrines. We can play--and talk--afterward."

"Paris? Talked *you* into playing pool with him?"

"Don't push it, Torres."

"Sorry, *Commander*. Didn't realize it was a sensitive subject."

Chakotay sighed, and told the computer to halt the turbolift. "It isn't. Or shouldn't be. We had a--that is, I had a disagreement with him last night, and I need to get this settled. Maybe playing pool is a way to start."

B'Elanna was curious now. "What kind of disagreement, Chakotay? You and Tom aren't exactly social buddies."

Chakotay sighed again. "You're meddling, you know that? It's just a...personal problem. As soon as I get worked through it, everything will be alright again."

B'Elanna snorted at him. "That sounds like denial if I've ever heard it, Chakotay. What's up?"

"No, B'Elanna. I'm not going into it. Not with you, not with anyone. Computer, resume turbolift." He flicked his gaze back up to B'Elanna's face. "Maybe, when I have everything worked out, I'll tell you about it. But not now." The turbolift halted, and Chakotay got out. B'Elanna stayed in, watching Chakotay until the doors closed. As soon as the turbolift was moving again she tapped her commbadge.

"Torres to Kim."

"Yeah, B'Elanna."

"Done with your errand?"

"Done, and on my way back to my quarters."

"Meet me at mine. We've got to talk."

"Okay. Kim out."

*************** 

Chakotay sat down on his bed and pulled his boots off. It had been a long day, and it wasn't over yet. He felt his body tensing at the thought of having to deal with Paris. Whatever had possessed him to agree to this? Oh well, it was Sandrines during second shift. There were enough people around at that time to ensure that nothing would get out of control. He grimaced. Unlike last night... Without warning, thoughts of kissing Tom last night jumped into his head. Those lips; hard, but soft...and warm. The sweetness hidden inside, behind those luscious lips... Chakotay felt a stirring in his groin and groaned. Was there no end to this? He had to stop this, before it got anymore out of control. Next thing he knew, Harry Kim would be knocking on his door, wanting to talk. Concentrating, thinking of nothing but the reports he needed to get written up in the next couple of days, Chakotay managed to get his erection under control. He stripped off his uniform and put on some loose, comfortable clothing. At least that way, if anything set him off again (and lately it didn't seem to take much), it wouldn't be as noticeable as in uniform.

*************** 

The door chimed at exactly 1900 hours, and Chakotay mentally prepared himself. He called out "Enter," and had to catch his breath when Paris walked through the door. Tom was dressed casually, like he was, in loose pants and shirt. It was the shirt though--a brilliant sapphire that brought out and emphasized the color and brilliance of Tom's eyes. Chakotay had to swallow a couple of times before he could say anything.

"Ready, Commander?"

"Yes." Maybe if he didn't act too excited this would be over sooner.

"Okay. Follow me."

Chakotay was really surprised when Tom led him to holodeck one, rather than two where Sandrines usually ran. He commented on it.

"Oh, we're not going to play at Sandrines tonight. I've got another program I wanted to show you." He keyed in something on the console pad, then told the computer, "Run program Paris-Paris-alpha-one."

"Working. Program running."

The doors slid open to reveal a homey-type setting: fire in the fireplace; two comfortable-looking couches and a couple of chairs, with a low, round table placed between them; and a pool table off to one side. The whole interior was paneled in a dark-colored wood, with green accents. It was a very comfortable looking room, and Chakotay knew he couldn't set foot in there without sacrificing some of his hard-won control.

"Come on, Paris. Let's go to Sandrines." He'd actually turned around to walk out the door when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

"What's the matter, Commander? Chicken?" Paris spoke softly, but there was an unmistakable challenge in his voice.

"I'm not even going to answer that."

"Then come on. Let's play some pool." Paris walked in without checking to see if Chakotay was behind him; he knew he would be. He moved over to the pool-table, and began racking the balls up. "This is a much better quality table, anyway."

Against his better judgement Chakotay asked, "Where is this, Paris? It doesn't look like a bar."

"It's not. It's the family room at my parent's house. I learned to play pool on this table. Er, on the original." Tom set the game up, then gestured for Chakotay to break.

As Chakotay set up his shot, Tom leaned back against the couch and watched the older man through hooded eyes. Did he have any idea how much that affected reserve was sending Tom's pulse off the scale? Tom knew Chakotay was interested; he could see it every time Chakotay pretended to not be looking at him. As Chakotay called his shot, and lined it up, Tom decided to begin testing his resolve. He moved quietly up behind the Commander, and laid his hand on Chakotay's shoulder. Chakotay whirled around, a panicked look on his face. That motion brought them face-to-face, staring into each other's eyes. Although Tom was more slightly built than Chakotay they were about the same height, and Tom could see right into Chakotay's eyes--could see the desire hidden behind the wall he'd built. He brought his hands up; sliding them slowly up Chakotay's arms, molding the strength there, until he was cupping Chakotay's face. Chakotay remained frozen in place, heart pounding so hard that he was sure Tom could hear it. Why didn't he pull away? Why *couldn't* he pull away? He wasn't aware that he'd spoken out loud until Tom murmured, "It's a very thin line between love and hate," and then kissed him.

Unlike the kiss they'd shared last night, this one was very gentle. Tom brushed his lips across Chakotay's, feeling the other man shiver. He brushed his lips across again, then followed with his tongue, outlining Chakotay's mouth. Chakotay groaned low in his throat, and wrapped his arms around Tom, opening his mouth to Tom's questing tongue. Their tongues fenced with each other, mating over and over, until Tom pulled away at last, causing Chakotay to moan a quiet protest. "I've got to stop now, Chakotay, before I can't stop."

Chakotay stood there for a moment, staring at him, trying to make his brain understand the words. He walked over to the couch and collapsed on it, trying to rationalize what had just happened. Tom watched him for a minute, then said, "Sit tight for a minute. Computer, initiate privacy lock."

"Privacy lock initiated."

Tom went to the replicator in the wall and ordered a beer for himself and an iced apple tea for Chakotay. He handed the drink to the other man, then sat down beside him. "Chakotay. We need to talk about this."

Chakotay stared at him, then shook his head.

"Oh, come on, Chakotay. Last night could have been just a reaction to circumstances...but can you say that about what just happened? You feel something for me, admit it."

Chakotay shook his head again. "You don't understand, Pa--Tom. It's not that simple."

"It doesn't *have* to be complicated," Tom countered, feeling a surge of pleasure as he heard his name coming from those lips. "I want you...I want a relationship with you. I *love* you, Chakotay." Tom paused, wondering why he was exposing himself like this, risking so much so soon. *Go slow,* he heard Harry's voice telling him. His gut was telling him though that to go slow would be to risk losing this man. He continued, "I think I have for a while. I think I was trying to figure out a way to tell you that, before. Then you and the Captain started dating...I couldn't believe I'd lost my chance."

Chakotay was watching him, a look of wonder mixed with skepticism on his face. "You say you love me. For how long, Tom? You don't have a great track record for long-term commitments. I'm not into short-term relationships...it's not in my make-up, nor in my heritage. My people take relationships very seriously. I don't know if..." He broke off, not sure what to say, or how to say it.

"You don't know if you want to take a chance with me." Tom nodded seriously. "I understand. Can you deny you want me, though?"

Chakotay shook his head, a smile of wry amusement appearing on his face. "No. I can't. I want you so bad right now I can hardly think straight. But casual sex..."

"Is not what this is about. I don't want casual sex, Chakotay. If that was all I cared about, Megan and Jenny Delaney are just a deck above me. Please, just give me a chance to show you how much I care about you. Please." Tom was looking at him earnestly now, brilliant blue eyes wide with emotion. Chakotay looked at him for a minute, staring into those eyes, losing himself in their depths. He could see the emotion they held...what was that saying he'd heard once? 'The eyes are the window to the soul.' If that was truly the case, then Tom's soul was open there, filled with love and desire.

Chakotay felt a jolt run through him as he realized those feelings were directed at him. He reached a hand out and placed it on Tom's thigh, then shifted toward him. He leaned over slightly, and kissed Tom, intending it to be a quick, gentle kiss. At the touch of Tom's lips on his though, his blood ignited into liquid fire, burning as it coursed through his veins. He felt Tom's arms come around him in a embrace; felt himself being pulled down on top of Tom as he lay back on the couch. The burning in his veins increased until he felt like he might burst into flame right there; then he felt his hard penis come into contact with Tom's erection. Even through two layers of cloth the contact was exquisite. He heard Tom gasp in an effort to draw breath into his lungs, and knew he was breathing just as hard. He held himself immobile for a minute, trying to relax. Just as he thought he might be able to get himself under control, Chakotay felt Tom's hand snake down between them and wrap itself around his erection. At the same time Tom leaned forward and captured his mouth in a hot, wet, open-mouthed kiss.

The world exploded around him then in a fireball of lights and sounds, as Tom's touch released weeks of pent-up desire and frustration. He groaned against Tom's mouth as he came, aware that this was the most powerful orgasm he'd had in a long time. They lay there for some time just kissing and gently caressing each other, and Chakotay's body began relaxing for the first time in weeks; eventually he became aware of Tom's erection poking him in the leg.

He pulled away from Tom and whispered, "What about you?"

"I'll do. Don't worry about me," Tom replied, stroking his hair. "Are you okay? I know you didn't intend this to happen."

Chakotay sighed, then untangled himself from Tom and sat up. "No, I didn't; but it did. Tom...I don't know what I feel for you. I desire you physically, obviously, but other than that? I don't know. I'm scared to admit to anything else. Oh, hell...I can't believe I just said that..." He paused. "The physical part isn't enough. I'm not comfortable with just that, and if what you said is true...if you really do--love me--than it won't be enough for you, either."

"True. So, what do we do now?"

"Now...I go home, and take a shower," Chakotay made a little face of distaste as he pulled the wet, sticky cloth away from his skin. "After that...I don't know. I don't know what to do. I want to trust you..." He bowed his head and covered his face with his hands.

"What would it take, Chakotay?"

"I don't know," he whispered into his hands. He felt Tom gently embracing him, giving comfort and strength. At last he pulled away. "I've got to think. Talk to my spirit guide. I'll let you know, Tom." He stood up. "It's getting late. Let's talk some more tomorrow, okay?" Tom nodded. Chakotay tipped his face up, and brushed a kiss gently across his lips. "Goodnight, Tom."

"Goodnight, Chakotay."

Then he was gone, with the whisper of the doors closing behind him to mark his passage, leaving Tom to wonder what he could do to make Chakotay see that he loved Tom as much as Tom loved him.

************* 

Morning came, and Chakotay was no closer to an answer than he'd been the night before. He'd tried for a couple of hours to contact his spirit guide; apparently he wasn't calm enough, because all he got for his efforts were a headache, and the echo of a wolf whining in his ear. He needed to talk to someone about this; the problem was, who? The only two people he could think of were B'Elanna or Kathryn; and he wasn't real keen on either. Oh, B'Elanna was a good friend, but the change in the command structure since coming to Voyager had changed their friendship in some ways. As for Kathryn...she would be too close to the problem too, wouldn't she? He was going to have to ask her--he needed to talk to someone who had *some* distance from this. He and Tom...*oh, Gods, when had he started thinking of him as Tom?*...were much too close to the problem. Trying to stave off the rising feeling of panic he got out of bed and went in to shower.

*********** 

Tom got to the messhall for breakfast right behind Chakotay. He stood in line behind him and casually brushed his hand against the Commander's, then grinned when Chakotay turned to look at him.

"'Morning, Commander. How are you today?"

Chakotay could hear his heart thundering in his ears. How was it that Paris could affect him like this? Calmly he answered, "Good morning, Lieutenant. Fine. You?" All the while wishing he could kiss those lips again...

"Oh, fine, Commander. Thanks, by the way, for a great game last night."

"Certainly, Lieutenant." Chakotay turned away from Tom to get his breakfast from Neelix, and was dismayed to see his hands shaking slightly.

Tom received his breakfast, then wiggled past Chakotay to get in front of him. Chakotay could feel his body leap in response to Tom's nearness, and mentally cursed him and Starfleet uniforms. He ran through imaginary drill exercises in his head as he headed for a table. As he scanned the dining room for an empty spot, he spotted Kathryn at a far corner table. Thanking the Gods he made his way towards her, determined to talk to her as soon as was possible. Tom, for his part, was regretting the body contact too, but the table that Harry and B'Elanna were sitting at was a lot closer. He slid into his seat, and said a prayer of thanks that his body was even now calming down. Harry and B'Elanna both gave him rather strange looks, but said nothing.

"So, how's breakfast this morning," Tom asked before he picked up his fork.

Harry shuddered slightly. "Almost edible. How hungry are you?"

"Starved. I couldn't stomach last night's dinner at all."

B'Elanna grinned slightly. "You might get through it then. Just eat fast--don't take time to chew too much." She waited until he had a mouthful, then casually asked, "So...how was the pool game last night?"

Tom choked, and nearly spit out his mouthful. "Harry...!" Before he could get any further in his accusations, B'Elanna broke in.

"Don't take it out on him, Paris. I ran into Chakotay last evening, and invited him to come play at Sandrines. He said he was going there already, to play against you; when you never showed I asked Harry. We put two and two together..."

"And came up with five," Tom finished sardonically. "Nothing happened. Unfortunately," he said glumly. "He says he's attracted to me, but scared to take a chance on me. So now what?" He stared down at the chartreuse eggs, and began stirring them into little piles. "I love him. I just don't know how to convince him of it."

Harry and B'Elanna smiled sympathetically, then Harry spoke up. "I told you to go slow, Tom."

"I don't think slow is going to work, in this instance."

"Why not?" B'Elanna was puzzled. "Slow is usually the best way to go."

"Unless you're already there, but just need to have the shutters opened."

"So you're saying he's in love with you too, just too dense to know it."

Tom shrugged. "I think he knows it. He's just heavy into denial because of who I am. If it was Janeway, he'd be falling all over himself to admit it to her." He stood up. "Guess I'd better get to the bridge. Coming, Harry?"

"In a minute, Tom. Wait at the turbolift for me, okay?"

"Yeah."

Tom left and Harry turned to B'Elanna. "Well? Now what?"

"Now we stay out, because this is getting too complicated. Did you see Chakotay when he was talking to Tom? His whole face was lit up. If that's not someone in love, I've never seen it then." She stood up. "I've got to get to work, too. See you later, Starfleet."

"'Bye, B'Elanna." Harry headed out himself, knowing Tom was waiting impatiently at the turbolift.

Janeway and Chakotay entered the turbolift just before the doors shut, and Chakotay couldn't believe the timing. He stood straight at attention, staring ahead as the decks flew by, wondering who had it out for him that he should have to ride the turbolift shoulder to shoulder with the one person he'd like to avoid for a while. Tom didn't do anything overt; just stood next to him. But for Chakotay, who's body had suddenly become fine-tuned for Paris-contacts, it was excruciating. He kept visualizing last night...laying on the couch, the firelight flickering on the walls, kissing Tom... He shivered a bit, feeling the desire from last night beginning to build in him again. *For the love of--what was wrong with him? Surely this wasn't normal?* He shifted slightly, trying to move away from Tom, but there wasn't room in the turbolift. Not without making it obvious.

To Chakotay's relief the turbolift halted then, and they all got out, Janeway in the lead saying to him; "Commander, I need to see you a moment in my Ready Room. Tuvok," she called to the Vulcan already seated in the center chair, "You have the bridge for a bit longer. I need to talk to the Commander."

"Aye, Captain."

Chakotay followed Kathryn into her ready room, glad she'd agreed to do it this way; act as though *she* needed to see *him* for something, not the other way around. He walked into her ready room, and she was already sitting on the couch, steaming cups of coffee ready for both of them. She cocked an eyebrow at him in a perfect imitation of their Vulcan security officer and said, "So, Chakotay. What seems to be the problem?"

He smiled at her, wishing once again that they could've had the relationship he'd thought of for so long. "It's a long story, Kathryn. I should probably start at the beginning." Taking a deep breath he began to talk.

************ 

Three cups of coffee later he was done. Kathryn hadn't interrupted him once; although he could tell from her expression a few times that she'd wanted to. The hardest part to tell was actually the part she'd been involved in--it seemed so underhanded now, although that certainly hadn't been his intent at the time. He sat back on the couch, resting his hands on his legs. "So, what do you think?"

"Honestly?"

He nodded. "That's what I'm looking for."

"Chakotay...it sounds like he's in love with you. More importantly, it sounds as though you love him." Janeway paused, not sure what it was she wanted to tell him. "I've seen the two of you together the last couple of days--when you're anywhere near him, he lights up like he's glowing from within. You do the same. You've both been unattentive on the bridge--" here she stopped to smile at him, to take the sting from her words, "--and even on private time. You came to breakfast late yesterday--were you aware that Mr. Paris practically shot out of his seat the moment you arrived?"

Chakotay flushed slightly under his tanned skin. "I didn't think anyone else noticed that..."

"Probably no one else did. It's part of a Captain's responsibility to the crew to be aware of everything--or as much as is realistically possible--going on on their ship. Besides, my interest was piqued the other night, after we, ah, ended our relationship." Janeway paused. "What seems to be the thing holding you back, Chakotay?"

He shifted uneasily in his chair. "I don't know. I feel like I'm obsessed with him, and it's scaring the hell out of me. I feel out of control any time he's around--and often when he's not. If I loved him, or admitting to loving him...is it going to get worse? It's almost unbearable right now."

Janeway pursed her lips thoughtfully, then got up from the couch. "More coffee?" At Chakotay's negative head shake she requested a single cup from the replicator, then returned to the couch. "I think admitting that you love him--both to yourself, and to him--will help that obsessive feeling. I suspect that those feelings are your subconscious' way of trying to get your attention. You've been in denial for too long, Commander," she finished in a mock-severe tone.

Chakotay slumped his shoulders. "Can I trust him? Can I trust him with my heart and soul?" He whispered harshly to her.

She smiled slightly, and covered it up by taking a sip from her cup. "Why could you trust me, and not him? What is it about Tom Paris that makes you think he's going to break your heart?"

"He's got quite a rep on this ship as a lady's man--"

Janeway waved that aside. "Phooey. Most of that's talk. The Delaneys started a lot of it. I'll admit, Tom's a big flirt. But the things you've described to me sound a little beyond the flirtation stage. Now, seriously. What makes him a bigger risk than I was? Is it that he's a man? Or maybe, because he has a reputation as a flirt? Or even because he was a "traitor" to the Federation. Or is it because you know you love him and that makes *you* vulnerable?"

Chakotay was shaking his head, unable to counter Kathryn's attack. "Oh, Gods..." was all he whispered, as he lifted his hands to look at her. "I'm such a stupid, blind--" He broke off as though he couldn't find a strong enough word.

Kathryn smiled. "I'm glad you're beginning to get the picture, Commander. Now, get to work. Even Tuvok needs rest once in a while."

"Aye-aye, Captain. And Kathryn, thank you." Chakotay leaned over and kissed her gently. "I'm glad you didn't give up on me."

"Me too. Now, shoo! I've got work to do, too."

************ 

The doors to the Captain's ready room whooshed open, and Chakotay walked out, looking more relaxed and at ease than he had in quite some time. Even his voice, as he dismissed Tuvok, sounded different. Less stressed. Tom would've given every replicator ration he possessed, or would possess, to know what had gone on in that room. He spent the rest of his shift trying to decide what they'd been talking about, and looked up in surprise when his replacement arrived, signaling the end of alpha shift. With a sigh of relief he stood up, hoping to catch Chakotay's eye--they still had unresolved things to talk about--but the Commander was already off the bridge.

"Hey, Harry, dinner?"

"Yeah--just give me minute, Tom."

"I was going to go change my clothes first, anyway. Meet me at my quarters in half an hour?"

"Sure."

************ 

Tom rode the turbolift impatiently, pacing in the small space. He wanted to get dinner over with, find Chakotay, and get things straightened out. No more wasting time. Whatever he'd discussed with Janeway had put him in a good mood--now was the time to act. He'd just finished that thought when the turbolift stopped to pick up another passenger, and Chakotay stepped in. Their eyes met, and Tom felt his heart pound and his stomach knot up. Oh, Lord...he hadn't had time to think about what he wanted to say to him. Had to think of it now. He opened his mouth to tell Chakotay to quit wasting their precious time together and act, when the ship shuddered violently and the control panel in the turbolift exploded in a shower of sparks. Tom was hit with the brunt of them, and dropped like so much dead weight.

Chakotay hit his commbadge and yelled urgently into it, "Medical Emergency, turbolift one!" But no one answered. He dropped to his knees beside Tom and frantically searched for a pulse, swearing when he didn't find one. He began cardiac resuscitation, praying to his Gods between every breath.

************ 

Tom woke up in a dark, unfamiliar place. The only thing he could see was a...was that really a campfire? He headed toward it, wondering where in the hell he was. Wherever it was, he reflected, it was cold here. Thing about duty aboard Voyager, he reflected as he walked, was you never knew what was going to happen from one minute to the next. Other Starfleet vessels could be out for months and never have one weird thing happen to them. With Voyager, to have two quiet days in a row was unusual. In the dark Tom didn't see the person stretched out on the ground asleep, and tripped over him. The person sat up with a jerk. Tom stopped dead in his tracks, and the person said, "Who the hell are you?"

"Who the hell are *you*?"

"I asked first."

"Lieutenant Thomas Paris, USS Voyager."

"Ah. What are you doing here?"

"Where's here? Who *are* you?"

"Wait a minute...Paris, Paris...you wouldn't be the Tom Paris my son's been agonizing over, would you?"

"That would depend on--*What* did you just say?"

"I asked if you're the Tom Paris my son has been agonizing over."

"WHO ARE YOU?"

"You don't need to shout, Tom. My name is Kolopak." Seeing that that raised no recognition, he sighed and expanded, "Chakotay's father."

"Ah. Wait a minute. You're dead."

"I imagine you are too, if you're here. What I can't figure out though, is why."

"Why what?" *I'll deal with the dead part later,* his brain whispered to him.

"Why you're here. Usually the only people I see here are those of my tribe--or other related tribes--who've passed over, and are making their journey; or members of my tribe who are trancing, seeking guidance from me. You don't fit either of those categories."

"I could use some guidance though," Tom offered.

"Yes, I suppose you could. You're not supposed to be dead, you know. You *shouldn't* be dead. My son needs you."

"Yeah, right. He can't even decide if he wants to have a relationship with me."

"Oh, he knows in his heart, where his heart doesn't listen to his mind. He loves you...and he needs you. My son is a strong man; but he needs someone like you, who can show him how to relax, and loosen up. He's tightly strung, you'll have noticed?"

Tom nodded, unable to believe he was having this conversation. "It's kind of late to be telling me this though, isn't it? I mean, if I'm dead--"

"You don't have to be dead. I suppose technically you're not--your heart has stopped, but efforts are being made to revive it. Your brain is still active. But you have to *want* to go back. You have to feel a *need* to go back."

Tom whispered, "Chakotay..."

Kolopak smiled at him. "Yes. Think of my son. Fix him in your thoughts, and concentrate on him. Concentrate on your love for him. Keep thinking..."

In the distance Tom heard Kolopak's voice, urging him to concentrate on thoughts of Chakotay, overlaid on that were other, familiar sounds; he tried to block those out, feeling like they were interfering with his concentration. As the mental picture of Chakotay went out of his thoughts he sobbed out loud, "NO!" --

"Doctor! He's awake!" Kes' voice. Kes? Where was he? Where was--

"Cha--" His voice croaked, trying to get the word out, and Kes came into his line of sight. She smiled at him, and he calmed slightly. Surely she wouldn't be a death-dream, too.

"Tom. Don't try to talk yet. You had a bad electrical shock that stopped your heart. We've been trying to revive you for almost ten minutes. We were about to give up when--" She moved out of the way as the Doctor leaned over him.

"Well, Mr. Paris. Looks as though you've joined the living once again, " was the acerbic comment as the EMH studied the monitor over his bed. "In fact, according to these readings, there's not a thing wrong with you."

Tom cleared his throat. "Do I have to stay here?" He croaked out. Apparently, being dead wasn't good for your vocal cords.

"No. You will need to come back for some periodic tests over the next several days, but as long as you get some rest you should be fine. I'm going to restrict your duty for the next 48 hours, then back to normal." The Doctor marked something on his padd, then looked up at Paris. "Do you have any questions?"

Tom shook his head. "Does the Captain know?"

"Yes. She will be down in a minute. Please wait to leave until she's seen you." The holodoc turned and left Tom to go into his office. Kes smiled at him again and squeezed his hand.

"I'm glad you're back. Make sure you get plenty of rest."

"I will."

The Captain walked in then, and the Doctor and Kes explained what had happened, and the results. Tom had tuned most of it out, since he'd just been through it, until the Doctor caught his attention with the end of a comment: "...not sure it was my experience, or our equipment. Mr. Paris was dead for several minutes, and gave all appearances of staying that way. Then he just--woke up. His heart began beating on it's own, and brain activity increased. There are no signs of damage of any kind..." Tom tuned the doctor out again. He'd heard enough. He jumped off the biobed.

"Am I free to go?" He asked.

Janeway spoke. "Tom, the Doctor has released you, but to restricted duty. I'm putting you on leave for the next 24 hours, then begin restricted duty. Get some rest. Take some time to think about what's happened, and if you want to talk, I'm available."

"Thanks, Captain, but I feel fine."

"That's good, but the offer still stands."

"Okay."

"All right then, free to go."

************

By the time Tom actually got out of Sickbay, he'd been in there for over two hours. He got on the turbolift and directed it to his deck. He needed to think about this before he talked to Chakotay. This was too weird. He keyed the lock on his door and walked in to his quarters, and stopped dead at the sight of his Commander sprawled on his couch, sound asleep. He quietly dimmed the lights down, then moved forward. Kneeling next to the couch he stroked his hand down Chakotay's face, then bent and kissed him. Chakotay's mouth softened and opened under his, allowing his tongue access to the hidden recesses. He sucked the other man's lower lip, then left his mouth to nibble tiny kisses down to his neck. Chakotay pushed him back suddenly and sat up with a smothered groan.

"Tom! What?--"

"Oh, Gods, Chakotay." He wrapped his arms around Chakotay and clung to him, wondering why in the world Kolopak thought Chakotay needed *him*, when it was obviously the other way around.

Chakotay felt Tom shaking in his arms, and wondered what was going on. He'd thought Tom was dead--Tom *had* been dead, the last time he saw him. He'd tried so hard in the turbolift to bring him back, then all of a sudden power was restored, and the transporter was taking him away... When the Doctor and Kes had seen Tom beamed in, for all purposes dead, they'd shooed him out of sickbay. Sick at heart for never getting the chance to tell Tom how he felt he'd gone to Tom's quarters, determined to wait there until...whenever. What he was waiting for he didn't know, but something inside him was telling him to wait, not to give up hope. He clung to that, praying to his Gods that Tom would survive this. He needed him, more than he'd ever needed anyone.

"Tom. Listen to me. I love you. I love you I love you I love you--" He began trailing kisses down Tom's face and neck, punctuating each word.

Realizing finally what Chakotay was saying to him, Tom began to cry. It wasn't a sobbing cry, more of a gentle rain of tears that often follows a crisis, when the tension has been released. Chakotay kissed the tears off his cheeks, then began brushing kisses across his mouth.

"You're so beautiful, Tom. I can't believe I was so blind as to not see how much I love you...how much I need you..." He brushed another kiss across Tom's mouth, moving back a little, teasing, when Tom tried to push nearer. Tiring of the teasing, Tom reached up and grasped Chakotay's head and pulled it down to his. He opened Chakotay's mouth with his and pushed his tongue in, mating it with Chakotay's in a frenzy of passion. Chakotay sucked on his tongue, then loosened his arms, and began running his hands up and down Tom's sides, arms and back. Tom responded by pulling back just enough to push Chakotay down on the couch, then climbing on top of him. He rubbed his erection against Chakotay's, gasping at the sensations it caused. He felt Chakotay's leap in response, and bent to kiss the other man again. They lay there, exchanging hot kisses for some time, until Chakotay finally groaned and said, "Not here on the couch...the bedroom."

Tom acquiesced, leading his lover into his bedroom. "I've wanted this for so long, Chakotay. You'll never know how much I've wanted this--wanted you." Their lips met again, as though they were addicted to each other. As they kissed they began undoing the other's clothes, eager to get the cloth out of the way of their exploration. Chakotay gasped in pleasure as Tom began rubbing his penis through his jumpsuit, then moaned when the younger man knelt down in front of him and mouthed him through the cloth. Chakotay pushed him away gently, saying, "Don't--I'll come too soon."

"We've got all night," Tom told him, as he stood up and caressed him with his hand.

"Yes, but there's only one first time."

"Okay," Tom gasped as Chakotay's tongue began tracing his ear. They finished stripping out of their uniforms, and stood there in the dim light gazing at each other. Chakotay's tall, muscular frame with the defined pecs and dark nipples...Tom brushed his fingers across them, causing them to pucker and harden into tiny points. Chakotay groaned, and Tom laughed. "You're one giant erogenous zone," he accused.

"Maybe it's just who I'm with," Chakotay said, running his fingernails lightly down Tom's back. Tom shivered in response, and Chakotay smiled. He admired Tom's lithe frame, with the light dusting of reddish-gold hair, and the golden curls on his chest. He ran his fingers through them, and stopped at Tom's nipples, pinching them lightly before bending his head to tongue them into hard little points. Tom groaned, and Chakotay sucked one into his mouth, swirling his tongue around it. "You like that?" he teased.

"What do you think," Tom replied hoarsely, shifting onto the bed. Chakotay knelt above him, his erection straining with need. Tom moved a little, and took Chakotay into his mouth, causing the other man to cry out as the warm wet engulfed him. He reached down and grasped Tom's penis, stroking along the length of it, alternating slow and fast strokes, keeping rhythm with Tom's mouth on him. After a couple of minutes Chakotay pulled back. He was so close...

"Tom--I want to come inside you."

"Oh, Gods, Chakotay...I want you to..." Tom was practically sobbing the words as Chakotay straightened out against him, and they pressed their bodies together. They stayed like that for just a minute, striving for control. Then Tom began running his hands up and down Chakotay's body, seeking to touch every inch of him. Chakotay kissed him, roughly now, as his need for Tom increased. "Now, Chakotay. I want you inside me, now."

"Yesss," Chakotay hissed. Tom reached into his bedside table and removed a small tube of ointment and handed it to Chakotay, then moved onto his hands and knees. Chakotay stared at that golden head, bent submissively in front of him, and almost came on the spot. He smoothed the ointment over his erection, then globbed some on his fingers. Tom jumped when he felt the first finger penetrate him, then relaxed as Chakotay began to slowly move it back and forth. Chakotay added another finger, and Tom tensed again. "Am I hurting you?"

"Oh, Gods no...it feels so good," he panted. "I hope I can wait for you..."

"You better," Chakotay threatened him in a laughing voice. "I've been saving myself..." He worked the two fingers in and out, stretching Tom out. "Oh, Gods...now, Tom...now."

"Yes...Oh, yes...Chakotay--" He could feel Chakotay pressing against him, then moving into him. Then he was inside...he could feel Chakotay throbbing inside of him. It hurt, a little, when Chakotay began to move, but then the pain turned to warmth, and he could feel the warmth growing as Chakotay's penis moved faster within him. He whimpered a little, then began gasping, trying to breathe as the sensations threatened to overwhelm him. Chakotay was moving faster, pounding into him now, gasping above him, calling his name. When he reached down and grasped Tom's penis, he came right then, thrown over the edge by the combination of assault on his senses. Chakotay felt Tom's body tense up, felt him tense around him, then he cried out--the sound of Tom's cry of pleasure, knowing he'd caused it sent Chakotay plummeting into orgasm. He came calling Tom's name, ending with "I love you!"

They collapsed on the bed, and Chakotay rolled over, and pulled Tom into his arms. He stroked his hair, reveling in the fact that he could now, noting that it was in fact as soft as it looked. Tom stroked his face, tracing the tattoo over his eye.

"Jesus, Chakotay. If you only knew how long I'd dreamed of this...of us lying here like this..."

"I was blind and stupid not to see what was right in front of my face, Tom. I can't believe it took a near-death experience for me to be able to admit it to you."

"Oh, Gods...I almost forgot."

"Forgot what?" Chakotay pushed up on one arm and looked down into Tom's face.

"My--what happened. You'll never believe this..." He began telling Chakotay about his experience in the Indian spirit world, talking with Kolopak, and his "trip" home. When he was done talking he looked up at Chakotay, still propped on one elbow, looking down at him. "Well?"

Chakotay was silent a minute longer, then he reached out to trace the outline of Tom's face. "My life may belong to you, Tom Paris; but your soul belongs to me."

Tom smiled at the fierce, tender expression in Chakotay's eyes. "I would say it's a fair exchange." Very fair, indeed, his mind echoed, as Chakotay leaned down and captured his mouth in a kiss.

 

End.


End file.
